I'm Having A Day.

There's a lot of talk out there these days about self-care (maybe thats the reason I created this website to begin with!) In recent years the health and wellness industry has been really educating people and bringing awareness to this idea of taking care of yourself both body and mind. Having said that it has been a terrible week. (I know, I know, no judgement, but dammit it has). Having been around this philosophy for a while its pretty second nature for me to notice that judgement of my experience and then instead of wallowing I immediately think, "what would make me feel better right now?" The answer comes in a slideshow of images: yoga, cherry pie, pastries, crying, screaming, yoga, ice cream, knocking over office furniture, refusing to answer phone calls, cherry pie and pastries. Yeah man, ice cream and a tantrum: self-care at its best, right?

Maybe not.

Because, with that kind of self-care comes a whole lot of guilt and that is a whole 'nother blog post! To a lot of people self-care comes down to simply "making myself feel better" and thats a mindset that defeats us in our endeavor for wellness and enlightenment before we've even begun. This concept of good feelings and bad feelings, good emotions and bad emotions, of wanting to feel one way over another is what makes a good day good and a bad day bad.

Now, don't think that I'm poo-pooing all over your practicing positive thinking mindfulness stuff.

Alright, so maybe I am, but think about it. If you practice positive thinking (even mindfully) you're still passing judgement on your thoughts. You're giving them power, weight, and importance by bothering to judge them in the first place. They are just thoughts. The thought that you need something to make yourself feel better or the thought that you need to feel better at all is just a thought! It might not even be true. By the same token that means the thought of "I am ok and everything will be ok" or "I am powerful and in control of my life" is also just a thought and might not be true now or ever!

Right about now you're thinking: Great, Jeanne, you've left me in a cess pool of self-doubt and nihilism. I can't trust my own thoughts and if nothing is good or bad then why should I care about anything?

You're right. You probably shouldn't care about anything. In fact, I don't even know why you care what I have to say at all. Why trust my thoughts?

Well, its all we've got.

There is no reality without perception. There is no perception without the mind, and the mind is made up of thoughts.

I do believe that we make our own realities and what thoughts we choose to believe whether they are true or not become true in our own reality inside our minds. So we truly do have control over our own reality and perception of the world. We can choose what thoughts to hold on to and which thoughts to chuck.

So, today I can choose to chuck the thought "I'm having a bad day" and see how that works out. Nope. Not helpful. I still feel like crap. There goes that positive thinking thing again! Maybe I can choose to chuck the thought that I have to feel good right now at all? Maybe the problem is the expectation that I have to or should feel any certain way in any given moment. Maybe sitting in this feeling, whatever it is, can be perceived as being just as beautiful, just as saturated with emotion, just as fulfilling an experience as any joyful feeling or experience.

But, maybe I'll still go find some cherry pie.

#selfcare #mindfulness #meditation #feelbetter #feel #feelings #wellness #health